Liar, Liar

Liar, Liar by Angela E. White

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(Note:  This was written within about 30 minutes while waiting in line for cancelled reservations Easter weekend; this entry won the Cedar Hill State Park’s April Fool’s Day Liar’s Contest 04/94)

I would've got me a reservation for campin' earlier, but my tractor broke down on my way here from Hawaii.  I left after lunch yesterday so I could get here in time for the Easter egg hunt tomorrow.  All my family (nieces, nephews, bruthers, sisters, moms & dads) were plannin' on attending, but we all got the chicken pox last night.  Well, we were gonna make alternative plans (we called Queen Elizabeth and she's sick with the croup), but we decided, "What the heck!"  Not everyone was really itchy and the boys were likely to get into poison ivy anyway, so here we are -- on the waitin' list.

I parked my yacht in the Kmart parkin' lot and hitchhiked down here.  Mel Gibson picked me up in that same car -- you know -- the one he drove in Lethal Road Warrior's Weapon.  Anyhow, he dropped me off at Texas Stadium (where I had to turn down Jerry Jones' coachin' offer) then I stole Troy Aikman's horse and moseyed over to The Ballpark where I talked Nolan Ryan into given pitchin' another try and a ride back here to the State Park.  He dropped me off and was immediately abducted by aliens who kinda resembled a cross between Mork and Tonya Harding (go figure!).  Anyway, I hope he makes it back to the ice before the whole team's in the penalty box.  So, as I wuz sayin', I'm just patiently awaitin' in line for Elvis to show (hey, the kids believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny and I believe in Elvis!  Wanna make sumthin' of it?)

Soooo...here I am waitin'--- I bin waitin' for forty days and forty nights.  For gov'ment employees, these folks sure are nice, but slower than my grandpa's favorite laxative (a combination of red beans, peaches, and coffee grounds).

Waitin' in this here line reminds me of the time I was waiting for a slow boat from China.  There I was, trapped on Gilligan's Island waitin' for "De Plane!  De Plane!" when I found out it wasn't comin'.  I had to make a Lear jet out of banana peels and coconut hair.  This discovery incidentally rewarded me with millions from salon formula hair products -- Plane Mane.

Well, I'm movin' up the list so fast, I'm liable to get a speeding ticket for exceeding the speed of sound.  Thank ye for yer patience and I hope you get some treatment for that itchy twitch you've developed -- you must never have had chicken pox or thought you couldn't get it just from reading.  Just shows to go ya!

Sincerely,

Angie White

P.S. I didn't use my real name or address -- I'm really Christie Brinkley in disguise, but don't tell anyone who doesn't already know!