Maddisonshine

After seeing the movie The Shack yesterday, we had a discussion among our family about if it is proper to be angry at God. (More on that later.) As a result of that conversation, I thought I would share again the story of my niece Maddison.

It was ironic because the very day I saw the film and Maddison was so much on my mind and heart, my daughter, Kristen, texted me a photo of a tile she had created for the children's hospital where she works. When she first started there, she and others on the staff painted ceramic tiles. Just yesterday she noticed that the tiles had been hung at the hospital. Hers said Maddi Sunshine with a heart above her name. How perfect is God's timing. I had recently just purchased a gift for my sister that I will give her soon. Again, God's timing is perfect.

This is my tribute to our Maddisonshine ...

My youngest sister, Jackie, had an extremely difficult time getting pregnant.  She and her husband endured the full gamut of fertility treatments and lost one much-wanted baby to a miscarriage.  In January of 1999 their precious daughter, Maddison, was born prematurely...weighing only twelve ounces -- the same hefty weight as a can of soda.  Maddison valiantly wanted to live.  Her parents, doctors, nurses, entire family, and a host of friends did everything they could possibly do for this adorable child.  She was a miracle direct from God and we worried and prayed and then gained hope with each minuscule increase in her weight and every single day she thrived.   In June 1999, after just four months and 25 days, Maddison’s earthly life ended.  Although she was only with us for a short time, this beautiful, precious child had an incredible impact on an amazing number of lives.  Each day she was with us was a treasured gift.

This is how I shared the news with everyone who had hoped and prayed alongside us:

To family & friends close to my heart,

I simply cannot thank you enough for all the love and support you have shown on behalf of my sweet niece, Maddison Renee.  To honor her memory and your love for her from a distance, I wanted to share our final good-bye with you.

When she was born at 12 ounces on January 24, we all prayed diligently that she would survive.  At only 342 grams, any other baby might not have been considered “medically viable” but she has a will of her own and with a “lusty cry” (as one of the doctors who spoke at her funeral said), she announced that she wanted to live.  The staff at the hospital's Neonatal ICU took this precious angel under their wings and loved and cared for her for most of the 4 months and 25 days of her too short life.

She was able to come home on May 19 (which I believe was her original due date or very close to it).  She was only home a few days, but I know those days were precious to Jackie and Mark.  She returned to the pediatric ICU (once she was released from NICU, she wasn’t supposed to be able to go back, but they bent the rules for this special child and she was back in familiar surroundings with faces and hands she knew).  When Covenant’s staff had done all they could for our Maddison-shine, she was transferred to the University Medical Hospital for an experimental treatment.  We thought it was working because all of her “numbers” and stats were improving.  That last Thursday, she seemed much improved.

I had planned on going to Lubbock to “hospital sit” so Jackie and Mark could take turns resting and one or the other could always be there.  My other sister, Pam, had the weekend “shift.”  Late Friday night or into Saturday morning, Maddison took a turn for the worse.

As they had been each and every day of her short life, Jackie and Mark were with Maddison.  The hospital chaplain and several people from the NICU staff spoke at the service and shared their firm belief that God could not have given Maddison a better set of parents.  I whole-heartedly believe that and witnessed it first-hand.  The grace that God has given these two very special people is simply too profound for mere words.

At 5:30 Saturday morning, Pam called with the sad news.  I would not be going to Lubbock to hospital sit with my sister and her husband and my precious niece, but to share a small measure of their grief and sorrow.

The first viewing room at the funeral home was simply too small to hold all of the love (in the form of flowers) for this little angel.  Beautiful pink and white floral arrangements dominated even the larger room and surrounded her tiny body.

I can’t adequately describe how beautiful her physical form was.  It was as if God was showing us on the outside her beautiful spirit.  Wearing a white christening gown and a tiny white bonnet with dainty ribbons and pearls (given to the family by a Lubbock baby store) she was perfect.  She often slept with her hands above her head and her tiny fingers were poised as if she were ready to take flight to heaven (which her spirit had already done).  Many remarked that she looked like a beautiful porcelain doll.  From her upturned nose to her pudgy cheeks, she looked like a little cherub.  But it was her tiny mouth and dainty lashes resting on those pudgy cheeks that made her look peacefully asleep and content.  At any moment, you expected her to sigh in contentment.  I just wanted to pick her up and hold her close.

The service itself was filled with emotion, as you would expect.  Jackie and Mark had carefully picked out songs:  “Angel,” “On Eagles’ Wings” and “The Rose” which touched our hearts and somehow echoed the love we felt for this child of theirs.  The minister spoke about Maddison’s “way” which defied any explanation in terms of her courageous spirit of life.  He did not try to give answers, but acknowledged all of our questions of “why.”

Even in all this sadness, there was a surrounding presence of love and the hopeful promise of distant joy.  Instead of somber black, Jackie and Mark both wore white in tribute to Maddison’s purity and innocence.

 From their own garden, they placed a rose beside her and a vine of honeysuckle formed a halo above her head.

Still, there were many tears.  In fact, Lubbock had received so much rain that parking lots and low-lying fields had become miniature lakes; I think those were tears from heaven.

During the procession to the gravesite, I listened to a favorite song, “It’s Never Easy to Say Good-Bye”.  In this case, it was even harder.  How can we say, “Good-bye” when we’ve barely said, “Hello”?  I don’t know the answer, but I think of all the loved ones we’ve already lost and know they have joyously welcomed Maddison with open arms.  “Good-bye” is said to have originated from the phrase, “God be with you” and I know in my heart that Maddison is with Him and she loves us from paradise.

Throughout the days I was in Lubbock, I was comforted by the number of people who were there to support Jackie and Mark in loving sympathy.  From the neighbors who brought food and hugs and opened their homes and hearts, friends and co-workers of both Jackie and Mark and families from both sides who came together.  Even virtual strangers – the lady from the children’s clothing store who inadvertently asked how old the baby was [for the christening gown] and gave from her heart when she heard the sad news.  The people at the framing store who sent a card after making a beautiful shadow box with a picture of Maddison and her tiny cap and shirt.  Even when I was at DFW airport trying to get to Lubbock, begging for a seat on a non-existent plane, a woman who heard the reason I needed to go sweetly told me with a pat on the back that I could fly with her to Amarillo and she would drive me to Lubbock herself.  These small kindnesses and a multitude of others show that a reflection of God’s love is present here on earth.

In our lifetimes, we touch a limited number of people – soul to soul and heart to heart.  During her short life, Maddison touched more hearts than we can ever know, pointing us all to God.  Perhaps in that small, yet enormous way, her job here on earth was complete, despite our hopes and dreams otherwise.

Again, thank you all for your loving sympathy.  Please keep Jackie and Mark in your prayers and hold all of your loved ones a little bit closer because we can never know how much time we’ll have or when we’ll all be together again.

In loving memory of

Maddison

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The scriptural anthem for Maddison’s life was Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

The biblical anthem for Maddison’s death is found in John 16:19-22

Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’?  I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.  You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.  A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.  So with you:  Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.