Roadway Etiquette

                                         Roadway Etiquette

Driving on today's highways and byways is frustrating at best -- even if you're almost the only vehicle on the road.  Making long treks can be even more frustrating because driver's ed doesn't include a section on common sense (or at least it didn't 101 years ago when I took the class.).

For those of you who are morons (and for those who encounter this sub-species on a daily basis), here are a few rules of the road.

When you're in traffic, trying to hitch your front bumper to my rear bumper is NOT going to make me go any faster.  If I can see you're in a bigger hurry than I am, don't worry, I'll be happy to get out of your way at the first opportunity.  By the same token, if I'm already on the road, cruising along in my lane, don't expect me to slam on the brakes to get out of your way if you're trying to weasel in ahead of me just to be first (refer to right-of-way).  I make room for courteous drivers.  If you're rude or obnoxious (unless I see you waving a pistol in the vicinity of my head), I'll do everything I can to make sure you're not rewarded for your immature behavior.

When you're out on the open road, especially here in Texas where drivers are supposed to be friendly, it's common knowledge (to most, but not all) that you drive in the right lane and use the left lane to pass.  That means, if you're poking along at 45 miles an hour, STAY IN THE RIGHT LANE!  (That sign that reads, Slower Traffic Keep Right was put there for a reason, folks!)  And if you happen to prefer the left (fast) lane for whatever reason, do us all a favor and scoot over when someone cruising at the speed limit comes up behind you.

Another pet peeve is that people have forgotten what that little lever to the left of the steering wheel is for.  It's called a blinker and it's intended to help other drivers read your mind, or at least reasonably guess what your intentions are.  So, for future reference, use this handy little device when you plan on changing lanes or making a turn.  It simplifies the whole process.  Conversely, turn it off if you're planning on riding straight off into the sunset straight ahead.  A good rule of thumb is to turn the blinker on as soon as possible before your intended turn, but only after passing the last turn you could have made.

One interesting incident happened on my way to work one day. Some idiot decided that traffic was impeding his very important progress. Apparently, he was a very important person to whom rules didn't apply, because he illegally zoomed past me and several other drivers using the right shoulder. I honked at him as if to say, "Hey, Dude. That's not cool...and neither are you!" He proceeded to show me his interpretation of shadow performance art in the form of a bird flying out his window. Whatever. The funny thing was that I caught up to him at the next light. There I was, stopped right behind him at the exact same time. His antics didn't really benefit him or gain him a vast amount of time. I could see him glaring at me in his side mirror, so I did what any kind, considerate southern belle driver would do...I blew him a kiss! I do hope that the steam I saw coming from his vehicle wasn't connected to his radiator, but I dare say his expression in the mirror really made my day!

Thanks for listening.  Now get out of my way!