Memorial to Tim

Snowed in (or rather iced in) again today. So, I'm reminiscing instead of cleaning out the closets or doing something productive. Thought I'd rummage through the computer archives and update the old blog. Re-read what I had read at Tim's memorial service. I'll post it here. As a tribute. To the man I've loved for more than 35 years now. Miss you, babe.

I wanted to tell you about Tim. Well, actually he will always be Timmy to me. I wanted to share who he is to me. For someone who loves to write, it’s hard to admit that I have no words to paint that picture. These last few days, we’ve been reliving memories through family photos. And since a picture is worth a thousand words, let me show you snapshots of the man who will always be my hero, Timmy Dwane Casteel White:

Some of you know the story of how we met, but I’ll briefly share it. 35 years ago Billie took my sisters and I swimming at his apartment pool. I was almost 16 and he had just turned 21. Yet, robbing the cradle wasn’t his only theft that day because he stole my heart, too. When he asked me if I wanted a ride home on his motorcycle, I didn’t think anything of it. When we stopped at a red light, he popped the kickstand and turned off the bike as he hopped off. I watched as he went over to a car stopped beside us, pulled this guy out of the driver’s seat and proceeded to pound the snot out of him. I’m thinking, “I’m on a motorcycle with a maniac! Where is Billie with my sisters? What do I do now?”

Dazed, I watched as he stuffed the guy back in the car (mind you, there were 2 other guys in the car and they didn’t move a muscle) and walked back to me and the bike and said, “That guy hurt my sister. I kick his ass every time I see him.” And in that moment, he became my hero.

He hopped back on, started up the bike and we had only gone down the road just a bit when he said over his shoulder, “I’d like to take you out sometime.” I didn’t know what to say except, “You’ll have to ask my daddy.” Which he did…and we fell in love.

When we went to Galveston with Daddy and Billie, we saw someone trying to break into a room where we were staying. Timmy yelled, “Hey!” at the guy and he took off running. So did Tim. I know he was always skinny, but the Dallas Cowboys would’ve signed him up right then when they saw his flying tackle. He caught the guy and marched him back to the motel’s office just like you see on Cops. We got a free night out of it!

Another heroic moment was at Possum Kingdom lake. We loved camping and going to the lake. He skied with such grace. It was great to watch him ski…sailing back and forth, shooting rooster tails in the water. One year we celebrated the 4^th of July on the water with family and friends. We had our own little flotilla going with a couple of boats while we watched fireworks that night. As we rode back toward where we were camped, Timmy had to drive the boat super slow because it was so dark. Some of the guys were passing beers back and forth between the two boats as we were going along when suddenly, we watched in horror as Timmy’s brother Shannon lost his balance, slipped and fell between the boats. In an absolute instant, Timmy shut off the motor, ran and flew through the air to dive off the back of the boat. Shannon and Timmy both surfaced, and we breathed a sigh of relief. But that was my hero…in instant action.

I could tell you story after story after story. He lived his life with integrity and loyalty. He worked hard for 29 years to provide a good living for me and the kids. He loved us and protected us. He was a good husband, a good father, a good man.

You all know how much he loved to hunt and fish. Thanks, James! And he was good at it. He loved sitting in the woods. He tried to take me hunting and fishing with him and we tried that for a while until I fell asleep against a tree turkey hunting and then I almost shot him deer hunting. That’s when we figured out I was a city girl and he could hunt while I stayed home with the kids and read a good book.

Around 1999, he found a deer lease that was a bit more family friendly and I learned the joys of camping out at the deer lease complete with heating, a/c, lights and electricity.  We settled in and I could read while he went hunting. It was the best of both worlds until he got sick.

ALS or Lyme and ALS took a lot away from us, but it didn’t take away his fierce determination, or stubbornness. The doctor told us people stricken with ALS typically only make it about 3 to 5 years. I think Tim added the two together because it’s been 8 years since I finally convinced him to go to the doctor to get checked out. I wish the doctor had told him 10 to 20 years, then we would’ve had him another 30 years.

I won’t take much time explaining how courageously Tim fought ALS. Most of you have seen it. I will say that the silver lining to that dark cloud is that it forced us to face our mortality. 100 out of every 100 people die. So unless the Lord returns before us, that will happen to each and every one of us. Timmy realized that.

People say I’m strong for battling this disease alongside Tim, but it’s not my strength you see. It’s the gift that God has given me. When He forgave my sins, they were no more.

His Son saved me and His Spirit lives in me. He is the Light that shines in me for all the world to see...Jesus came to reach, teach, touch and heal. Not long after we started this journey, the Lord told me he would heal Tim. He’s done that now. Not the way I had wanted, but Tim is fully healed and enjoying heaven with His savior.

This is the comfort we have...not just that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but that He rose from the grave and lives even now. So we can know with absolute certainty that Timmy is not dead, but more alive now in heaven. Fully healed.

That same savior reaches out for YOU. Fall into His arms and rest in His gentle strength.

We all know the verse: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."  John 3:16

Because you are so precious to Him, substitute the word "you" for "the world" and know and accept the greatest gift you could ever receive:

For God so loved YOU that He gave His only begotten Son,

that if YOU believe in Him, YOU shall not perish, but have everlasting life!

I have that assurance. Timmy has that assurance. I hope and pray you do, too.

You know I could talk about Jesus and Timmy forever. I was so worried I wouldn’t have any words to say. But I prayed for something to say and after Justin told me he’s already said everything that he needed to say, I realized that I did, too. I’ve been writing love letters to Timmy for 35 years. I already had the words I would need for today.

So I’ll finish with a poem I wrote for Timmy on our 10^th anniversary that’s still true today.

                        It's been ten long and short years since I put my heart in your hands.

                                          A neverending circle like our wedding bands.

                                                                             

                                      We don't have to recreate the first bloom of youth.

                                  We need only look to our hearts and seek out the truth.

                                                                             

                                      It hasn't been all rosy; our love's often been rough.

                                    But that young love endured and real love is enough.

                                                                             

                                        Our love gave us children who look just like us.

                                         They are the mirrors of our hope and our trust.

                                                                             

                                     These past ten years seem like a lifetime sometimes.

                           But the future holds promise because I'm yours and you're mine.

                                                                             

                                              Deep down inside I'm still the same girl

                                    Who captured your heart when you gave me a whirl.

                                                                             

                                                          You can look in my eyes

                                                             And see into my soul.

                                                       You know my every thought.

                                                             Alone, I'm not whole.

                                                                             

                                  I wish I could show you how much you're a part of me.

                                     If I could open my heart, you could look in and see.

                                                                             

                                            I celebrate each day that you share my life.

                                                     And I thank God in my prayers

                                                              That I am your wife.

I love you, Sugar Britches. I hate that you went to heaven before me, but I’m grateful that you know Jesus…and now know Him really, really well. Save a place for me, sweetheart. I love you, always and forever.